I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
