Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
