dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
