"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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