i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I need to align my fucking chakras
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
