No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
