You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
