I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
