his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
