um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize