Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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