I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
