hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
