people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
