i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize