I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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