it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Success! We fucked roommates!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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