whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
