Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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