This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
