I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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