Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize