I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i need some magic done to my vagina
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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