I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
