Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You were trust falling into bushes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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