This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
