Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
