so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
