I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
