i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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