Sry I called you an 8
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize