laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
