dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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