She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
