you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
