Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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