Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
