let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
