just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
