I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
