So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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