When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
