yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
