upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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