I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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