You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
