I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my liver is dry heaving
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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