youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
