I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
