we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
