Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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