Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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