I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
