I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
