your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
40s are totally the cure
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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