i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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