i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
