Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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