Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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