in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
