would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to calm my uterus...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
did i just pee glitter
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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