my sisters under your porch take her home
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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