how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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