No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
