I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
organizing the empties. That sober.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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