I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
