I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
