If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
