Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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