a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
