It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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