this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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